From police to fostering family by children of foster carers, Elisha and Nieve

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A spare bedroom makes fostering possible

Sitting together in their family home, where younger sister and police officer Nieve, 21, still lives with their parents, Lisa and Nigel, Elisha and Nieve told us that fostering has now become such an integral part of their lives that they can't imagine life without it.

Their lives would be very different without the two boys, aged ​​7 and 9, whom fostering brought into their lives over four years ago.

Older sister Elisha, 27, lives close by with her husband and their young daughter. She sees the boys regularly when she calls round with her daughter, and the whole family also spends leisure time together during weekends and holidays. 

As we start chatting, Elisha explains that the family's journey into fostering began when she moved out of the family home at 19. But conversations about fostering started much earlier.

"We just always knew they wanted to foster, didn't we? They'd mentioned it in previous years but never done anything about it. When Nieve turned 16, and I'd moved out, she went into my bedroom. And our parents thought - we could probably do it now." 

Because former teaching assistant Lisa and her police officer husband Nigel had talked about their hopes to foster in the future for as long as the girls could remember, it was no surprise that they decided to apply.

"When I heard, I was looking forward to it because it was something we'd talked about as a family for so long," says Nieve. 

The fostering process for older ​children 

Potential foster carers often wonder what the application process involves for children living at home. Elisha and Nieve explain that they were involved from the start.

"We went to the open day first and spoke to other foster carers there, and then we could ask questions in the meetings as well. It was good because you could speak to other foster carers. So instead of a social worker telling you, 'It's like this', you can talk to someone who is already doing it and has children in their home. There were also quite a lot of meetings here at home. Some of them we sat in on."

"Asked what they remembered about those meetings with the social worker, Elisha says: "At the time it felt strange because they're just Mum and Dad to us. When we got asked about them, it put us on the spot a bit as we've never really thought about it. The social worker made us think about different things about them as parents and us as a family, but it wasn't difficult or scary."

Adjusting to life in a foster family

The sisters say they've adjusted to fostering well but admit they found it hard when the first boy who stayed with the family moved on.

"The very first child who came to stay with us was a boy, and he was nine. He stayed for about three months," remembers Nieve.

"He was really nice," says Elisha.

 

 

"He loved dancing and everything glittery. He moved on, which was hard because he was such a big character in the house. It was very quiet when he went."

A few months later, two primary-school aged brothers arrived, and the sisters now can't imagine family life without them, says Elisha:

"Maybe it's been easier for us to adjust to it because we're older. I don't see the boys as being fostered children now. They're just part of the family. We don't look and think, oh, they're our foster siblings. They're just the boys. They live at our house, and they're just part of the family now."

An emergency call to ​​long-term care

The boys, who both have additional needs, arrived on an emergency basis but are now with the family long-term. 

"It was completely different from our first young person, as we knew when they would move in and all about them. I was shopping with my mom when we got the phone call about the boys. They called and said, 'We think they'd be perfect'."

Nieve explains that both boys have high-level care needs, but they've settled into school and made fantastic progress.

"One of the boys has cerebral palsy and global developmental delay. He's partially sighted and he's currently going through an assessment for autism. When they arrived, we were told the youngest had non-verbal autism. I remember him coming in. We had our Christmas tree up early, and he was looking at all the lights. 

"My mum worked as a teaching assistant for 16 years, providing one-to-one support for a boy with high-level educational needs. So that has helped. The boys have learned so much in the time that we've known them. At first, they couldn't hold forks, couldn't hold their spoons or drink out of cups. We were told one of the boys would never be able to speak, but now he can. It's simple words, but he can now talk and tell you what he wants rather than just pointing or taking you there."

The best things about fostering family life

Talking about life since the boys arrived, the sisters chat about activities they do together as a family.

"We go on trips to the beach mainly, visits to sensory rooms, and family days out at the farm," says Nieve.

"We go on trips to the beach mainly, visits to sensory rooms, and family days out a the farm," says Nieve. Elisha explains, "With the boys having additional needs, we find places to visit that suit them. Last year, we went on holiday to Ireland with them. We've been to the Lake District as a family, along with my husband and daughter. It's having two more siblings, because they are part of our family now. I couldn't imagine living here with Mum and Dad and not having any children in the house. It'd be so quiet!" Elisha says the best bit for her is, "Seeing the boys develop and grow. From when they first arrived to where they are now, they're just completely different kids. It's also lovely to see how well the boys get on together, and they get on really well with my daughter."
 

What Elisha and Nieve want potential foster carers to know

"If you want to do it, just go for it," says Elisha.

You should be prepared it isn't all sunshine and roses. It is hard work, and you need to be willing to ask the right questions."

I feel like if people are thinking about fostering, they need to speak to other foster carers," says nieve. "And if they have children themselves, the children should speak to other children whose parents foster. If you speak to people already doing it, you'll get a true reflection of how it affects the whole household."

Is fostering your next step?

If you're wondering how fostering with your local council could fit into your life, you can chat to one of our regional fostering hub advisers to explore different fostering options and how they could work for you.

You can also do as Elisha and Nieve suggest and talk to someone who is already doing it:

·       Find a fostering information event near you

·       Or arrange a chat with one of our foster buddies by making an fostering enquiry or call 0800 917 7771.

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